Does attaining your goals seem harder than it should be? If you feel challenged to achieve your desires, you may be listening to those negative self-talk voices in your head, known as fear, telling you that you can’t reach your goals.
It is important to remember, you are not unique in having negative self-talk voices in your head telling you that you can’t do xyz. We all have those voices, some are internal, and some are external. Parents, teachers, you name it.
When this happens, we give our doubts/fear all our power and attention, rather than pushing through the fear and reaching our goals. In reality, it’s simply a delay tactic. So, how would you know if you were letting fear keep you from reaching your goals? Here are two examples of how we let fear get in the way of getting what we want.
Perhaps you want someone to laugh with, to love, or to marry. But instead of focusing on that goal, you decide that there are all these other things that have to be done first.
For example, maybe you want to get into better shape before you can meet someone, or lose another 20 lbs. Or maybe you need to get your finances in order and save a little money. Perhaps you “need” a better job before you can settle into that perfect relationship.
All of these prerequisites are creations of your mind. You can go about dating just fine without getting a new job first. When you’re looking for a lifelong partner, you deserve to be with someone who will love you whether you’re 20 lbs lighter or weigh just what you do right now.
Perhaps your partnership is just fine. Your goals now include a career that’s interesting and fulfilling, one that fills you with a sense of accomplishment and pride. You want to make a significant difference in the world. You want to feel excited, passionate, and motivated.
But instead, you stay at a job you dislike in order to make ends meet. It’s amazing how much power bills have over us, when they’re just little pieces of paper with a few numbers typed on them. So many of us use our bills as an excuse not to find a career that we love. We devote our energy toward the belief that we can’t do what we want to do because we have bills to pay. Or because you are tolerating it. Not good, not bad, ok. Maybe you like the people you work with, and don’t want to leave them.
Imagine for a moment what your life would look like if, instead of focusing on bills, you spent your energy executing a plan to create a career that gave you everything you really want. Where would you be five years from now if you did this? Where will you be five years from now if you keep doing what you have been doing?
How to Stop Giving Your Power Away and Create the Life You Want
So you’ve established that you do give away your power to obstacles you’ve created via that negative self-talk! What do you do now?
First, determine what you’re afraid of. Tell yourself you can have everything you want. Be specific about your goal. Then listen for a negative answer inside of yourself. Often, this will manifest as, “But I can’t… (I never, I won’t, there’s not enough…).”
Once you know what your “buts” are, you can assess your fears. “But nobody I really like would want to be friends with me,” is really you telling yourself, “I’m not good enough.” Get the idea? Instead of using your power to achieve your goals, you’ve been giving it to a false belief that you don’t have what’s needed to accomplish what you want.
Now you have all the key information to prevent fear from getting what you want. Next time you’re thinking about how much you want to achieve your goals, listen closely for that voice that says, “But…” Then, stop saying no to yourself, push through the fear and get what you want! You are good enough. You have a lot to offer. You are skinny enough. You are lovable (responsible, capable, motivated…).
If you find that you have trouble talking back to the negative self-talk, there’s no shame in enlisting professionals to help out. A counselor, mentor or coach can aid enormously in this process.
Ultimately, your goal is to use your power to benefit you, not to tear yourself down inside. Give your power to the things that mean the most to you. Don’t let the negative self-talk voices in your head keep you from creating the life you want!
Please reach out if you would like help keeping those voices quiet and pushing through the fear to get what you want, happy to help!